Comfort

Comfort can come in strange forms
Lying in bed not sleeping
My mind cycles through all
My fears

Which are admittedly
Greater than I could have imagined

I think that happens as you get older
Things matter more
Not less

Then I start listing all the self-destructive
Things I could do
Right now
To give expression
To my
Exhaustion
Doubt
Rage
Shame

It’s a long list
And a tempting one
Familiar

But tonight there’s a voice
That kind of smiles and sighs
And says
‘You’ve tried everything on this list
Literally everything
And more
It did you no good
And you’re still here.

So tonight maybe
Save yourself
Some money and grief
Close your eyes
Settle down
And go the fuck to sleep’

So I did