What’s it like to be me?
I’m getting better at explaining it, maybe
All days long thoughts hit me like blows
With force enough to stagger
And I have to try and distinguish
Which ones to ward off
And which to embrace
Thank God
That once in a great while
A thought hits that I know
Did not come out of my own mind
And brings with it enough light
To last a thousand winters
Where are You?
Help me to help to bring You here for good
According to Your wishes
In Your good time
What was the name of Bat-Sheva’s first child?
Did Mephiboseth receive justice?
Who moved David to number Israel - You or a force of darkness?
Who was L?
Who is E?
Where is C?
Who am I?
I am יצחק
Where will it end?
When will it begin?
Why does every certainty bring more questions?
I’ve got a long way to go
But a long time to get there
In one piece
God is Truth
But don’t be fooled by false concessions from Heaven
Pray militantly
Never submit
But how about reverence?
God sent the angel to destroy
Then pulled him back
God stretched His hand out to destroy
Then pulled it back
The promise is forever
The pain seems like it’s forever
Why did…
David’s sin was inexcusable
The punishment catastrophic
But his house survives
To this day
Let none of this be in vain
Let none of this be a waste
Come quickly, O God
And be our Light in the darkness
As you were David’s
Sins and all
Sometimes I wake up in terror
Convinced that I’ve messed it all up
My breathing stays heavy for minutes
Until I start to understand
That my dream went so wrong at the end
Because I fought for a few extra minutes of
sleep
Instead of forcing myself awake
And returning to a world
Which while frightening
Is not as bad
As the things I do to myself
When my mind is still trying to fend it off
