Rest?

If I had a choice 

Most of the time these days

I would just let go

There’s a weariness in me

That goes way back

And when I tried to fix it

Raging against it 

It only grew 

I don’t blame myself 

It’s hard to know where it came from

Something way back 

Someplace way down 

Some hypersensitivity

Under-insulation

If I could drift away

Into a deep darkness

Rest 

It feels wrong to be this tired

When people twice my age are thriving 

But it’s been there for so long 

When I finally screamed it out loud 

I’m so tired 

The people who love me couldn’t hear

And the people who heard me and understood the pain

Just wanted to hurt me 

I wanted my father 

To wrestle me to the ground 

And hold me there

Until the weariness left me 

But my father’s a gentle man

And my pain hurt him 

But he couldn’t understand it 

There was someone who understood it

But he bottled it

Harnessed it

And turned me against the people I love

By all accounts

I should have died 

But hear I am

Here still 

Some part of me listened 

To the right music

There’s an image 

In something I wrote 

That rang true 

In the midst of the confusion 

And the absolute pain 

So I can’t pretend I’m any less tired 

But I’ll honour that image 

And my family 

And the music

And see

For a while 

What happens